Obviously, poor hygiene and the inability to talk about anything besides your current Netflix season could explain your currently single status. However, if you shower regularly, can hold a conversation with a stranger and can smile occasionally, there are other factors influencing your dateless Friday nights. While you should never change who you are to get the approval of someone else, there are a couple tweaks to be made if your dating strategy sounds like one of these five:
Please leave a message
Being unavailable isn’t going to win you any points in the dating category. Being too busy to even go out on dates is one example, but don’t forget the others. Are you honestly emotionally ready to date? Accepting that your last relationship is over and that you are sure it’s time to date someone new is crucial before going out on a date. Also, it should go without saying, but if you aren’t physically present in possible dating situations, you aren’t going to meet anyone. Don’t hide out in your house and expect your prince to be the cable maintenance guy. Let friends invite you on blind dates; don’t bring a book to the coffee shop; and try sitting by yourself on the metro without headphones in.
It’s a ten!
Not that you want to lower your standards when it comes to dating, but include a healthy dose of reality when you make up “the list” — the mental (or maybe actual) tally of talents, perks and features you want your future beau to have. On this list, Mr. Perfect is actually perfect; intelligent, great with kids, highly educated, successful, witty, endearing, incredibly handsome, and happens to rival your love for Vietnamese food. While we’d all love to snag a perfect ten, it’s just not realistic. Choose characteristics that are truly important to your happiness. You may find you can be perfectly happy with someone who doesn’t like spring rolls and didn’t graduate from Cornell.
Playing by the rules
Again, don’t change who you are just to get a date; but following all sorts of rules isn’t going to get you one Friday night. Thinking he has to be the one to ask you out first, or waiting a minimum of exactly three hours and 27 minutes to send him a text isn’t helping you out in the dating world. This doesn’t mean you’ve got to do all the asking and door opening, but thinking you just have to sit pretty and wait to be swept off your feet means you could be waiting a very long time. Don’t be afraid to break your own rules once in a while; let yourself smile and buy the cute guy typing away on his laptop a coffee and see where things go.
Throwing vibes
You can’t see them all, but people send out some serious vibes in the dating world. A few of those vibes stop potential relationships right in their tracks. While flirting is a good way to let the curly-haired waiter know you are interested, also flirting with the table next to you and the busboy at the same time means Mr. Waiter isn’t going to even try to ask you out. Batting eyes at any guy you run into makes you come off as just a flirt, not someone who wants a relationship. Keep your flirty vibes in check and be sure you aren’t telling any potential suitors that you’d go out with just about anyone.
Table for one
Obviously, you don’t want to date someone who is selfish, materialistic and too busy to go out for an ice cream. But guess what? Neither do the guys. Just like you are looking for a guy who is smart, funny and kind, men aren’t looking for women who are rude, self-centered and ignorant. It’s sounds odd, but be the person you’d like to date. Chances are, if you are looking for someone educated, he’s going to be looking for the same thing in the girls he dates. Be the person you’d like to date to attract someone who is looking for similar qualities.
On top of these dating strategies, be sure to also add in a healthy dose of patience. Dating is half chemistry and half timing. Do what you can to be your best self and be ready to meet someone new — then see what happens.